1. |
death awaits
01:44
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Empty shell of the man I used to be
Day by day this light fades away
Into the void and into the gray
Dust to dust my soul shall lay
Fuck
Suffocating in the grave that I have built for me to stay
Endless torture I will suffer knowing death awaits
Death awaits my hollow former self
It’s still haunting me and no one can help
Self inflicted, no one gives a shit, I get it
if there was hope for me I would’ve known by now
There's no solace to be found in the end
I can’t stop thinking that I’m better off dead
Suffocating in the grave that I have built for me to stay
Endless torture I will suffer knowing death awaits
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2. |
speedrunning life
02:46
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So tired
Always so fucking tired
Never feeling like myself
Life passes by me at light speed
As I watch it consume me
Never the person that I truly want to be
And I’ll die not ever knowing me
Just get me meds or some shit so I can feel again
So I can finally stop hating myself
(I’m always)
High off the Reign, lie to myself that I’m alright
Listen to Bladee to mask the pain I’ve put aside
Life passes by me at light speed
And I just watch it consume me
Never the person that I truly want to be
And I’ll die not ever knowing me
My suffering is my own fault
Put me to rest, I’ve done this for too long
My suffering is my own fault
Repeating myself in every fucking song
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3. |
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Reminiscing on the days we spent
What did it mean in the end?
Your selfishness has got to your head
You left us for dead
Abuse, Abuse,
Everyone that you claimed to love
Refuse, Refuse,
To take the blame
You should be sick of yourself
Don’t fucking act like you didn’t see this through
No one gives a shit, after everything you put us through
The world has given up on you
No heart, no soul to the people you claim to love
In the end, you’ll just throw them away
Does it feel like you’re truly above?
And the thought of you has faded off, but lack of closure will catch up soon enough
And I don’t want you to suffer on, but your selfishness is too far gone
Don’t fucking act like you didn’t see this through
No one gives a shit, after everything you put us through
The world has given up on you
I hate to see you end up like this
I never wanted it, I never wanted it
The person that I thought I met I’ll miss
This is the last time I say this:
No one gives a shit about the accomplishments that you’ve made if you keep shitting on everyone who cares
You’ve lost your touch, you betrayed the ones you loved and now everyone is gone
Forget the memories of the past
Nostalgia shines a false light just like the trust I had
Reminiscing on the days we spent
What did it mean in the end?
You claim to feel alive but in my eyes you’re dead
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4. |
fade away
01:39
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Always a burden weighing on my fragile self
Dead angel on my shoulder
I won’t be getting help
Demons laugh as I get buried by the tide
I can’t do anything but slowly fade away
Giving up never sounded such fucking bliss
I’ll never be back to the life I fucking miss
Giving up never sounded such fucking bliss
I will never be
Has this all just been a living hell?
Through rose tinted glasses, it’s hard to fucking tell
Hard to fucking tell
Fuck it
Destined for failure
Doomed to misery
Lying in filth
Loathing myself
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5. |
choke
02:34
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Erase the memory of the past, and yet it still haunts me
Fucked up, how I turned out to be
I’ll keep living this way
Hurting myself
To be the person you want to see
Take it all from me
I can’t stand to let you leave
It always lingers in my head
It tells me that I’m not shit
I can’t abide to your fucked up standards
I beat myself, I tell you that I am alright
On and on for the thousandth time
Shallow intentions brought to light
It’s always hidden in plain sight
How can I possibly ignore when it’s me who dies tonight
Gasp for air, you shove me down as I choke on my self doubt
Hurting myself
To be the person you want to see
Erase the memory
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6. |
never getting better
02:19
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Still stuck inside my head
Still thinking bout the worst
Going through the motions feeling everything’s rehearsed
These demons have finally taken over me
Always anxious, never patient
Always slipping, can’t escape
Wear a vintage hoodie just to feel something
It’s so easy to find a temporary fix, then i wake up the next day still wishing death
Never getting better
(And it’ll always stay that way)
Because I did this to myself
(That’s all I’ve got to say)
Never getting better
Never getting better
That’s all I’ve got to say
Memories cloud my head of the better days
I could be anywhere, anytime, except right here, right now
Memories cloud my head of the better days
Please tell me how (I’m)
Still stuck inside my head
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7. |
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Forever killing me
Choking on my own words
Hoping that I end up dead
Ink hits the paper
But there’s nothing that hasn’t been said
I try to tell myself
That what I’m feeling is alright
I invalidate that:
“Suffering is daily life”
Forever
And ever
These thoughts won’t leave my mind
Forever
And ever
I’m fucking telling you it’s
Killing me
(Inside and I don’t reach out)
Sever me
(From this cloud of self loathing)
Can’t spill the vomit inside
Can’t stop telling myself lies
The world fucking drains my will to be alive
Rat Jesu:
It's been killing me
A feeling of inadequacy
A shattered disappointment
Wrapped in rags of uncertainty
I push my head under the water so that I can feel clean
But the blood has stained my soul, I can never be free
I can never be free
BLIND EQUATION
I can never be free
Rat Jesu:
Abandoned on the pavement
Bleeding out, I'm fading away
I ask if this is the end
But this is everyday
BLIND EQUATION
Burden to my loved ones
I can never fucking fall asleep
Headed for disaster
No one ever hears me fucking scream
Rat Jesu:
Suffocating
So frustrating
Wish that I could end it all
I'm just fading
Depreciating
Nail myself onto a cross
Try again,
Again again
But I don't feel a change at all
Try and fail
And fall, and spiral
Nothing left, can't take it all
BLIND EQUATION
Forever and ever
They eat my soul away
Forever and ever
They fucking kill me
Killing me, sever me
Can’t spill the vomit inside, can’t spill the vomit inside
Can’t spill
Fuck
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8. |
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Suffering in silence, a lifetime of decay
Never ending violence, dig myself a shallow grave
I can’t see clearly
Just give me room to breathe
Slowly dying
So fucking close to dying
Rip out my eyes, and let the teeth shatter on the floor
Burning inside, I just want you to mutilate me more
Just so I can feel something
I just want to feel like I’m worth being me
Shattered, abandoned, strangled and torn
Nothing left of me since I was born
Useless and beaten straight to the nerve
It’s what I believe I deserve
Suffering in silence, a lifetime of decay
Never ending violence, dig myself a shallow grave
DEATHTRIPPA:
Suffering in silence,
Though my thoughts scream out in pain,
Existence with the only purpose to fucking die
Every time I start to get better I just want things to keep going well
My illness will keep dragging me to the ground
It’s nothing special, nothing profound
Too much pressure and I want to break
Over committing and too busy being fake
If I start calm down I’ll start doing worse
All I want is to exist I don’t want it to hurt
BLIND EQUATION:
Rip out my eyes, and let the teeth shatter on the floor
Burning inside, I just want you to mutilate me more
Just so I can feel something
I just want to feel like I’m worth being me
Shattered, abandoned, strangled and torn
Nothing left of me since I was born
Useless and beaten straight to the nerve
It’s what I fucking deserve
(Suffering in silence, I cannot wait to die)
Hidden scars inside of me, a mournful sigh
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9. |
warmth
03:40
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The light fades away
Into the void I decay
Left in the dark
Days into weeks, months to years
It always ends, solace to tears
The warmth can’t stay forever, this soul that I have severed
I never wanted it to end up like this but it’s too late to quit
A self imposed mental prison
A self imposed lifetime of suffering
The warmth can’t stay forever, this life that I have severed
I never wanted it to end up like this but it’s too late to quit
I’ll never stop these habits
I’ll never truly change
Until it slowly takes the fucking better part of me
My mind is forever blurred
Never have room to breathe
Stuck in a vicious cycle
That one day will be the end of me
If you told me that I would feel this way forever
I would count the days until my final breath
I’m grateful every day I didn’t kill myself,
But there’s a constant burden that I’m inching closer to my death
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10. |
the last glimpse of me
04:45
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I wish everyday you could see where I am and what you’ve done for me
Five years have past, everything that I love will never last
Praying it’s not my choice when it’s my turn to die
Never knowing hurts the most
When my chapter has finally closed
How many more will be taken away?
When will the pistol be turned on me?
Death Awaits
Haunting me
A never ending bad dream
Taking the ones I love, consuming the last glimpse of me
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Blind Equation Chicago, Illinois
:: emotional cybergrind ::
Blind Equation recommends:
Insane digital hardcore with breakcore, d'n'b, metalcore & gabber influence that doesn't sound like anything else.
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One of the best cybergrind / nintendocore releases of the 2010's. RIP Remi Gawin, please give this album a listen in her memory as the sole reason why Blind Equation exists.
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One of my favorite releases last year, super expansive & creative pop music with cybergrind flares in the mix. Highly recommend if you enjoy BXE.
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supported by 56 fans who also own “DEATH AWAITS”
Let yours be a nu-metal summer. My review on NPR! https://www.npr.org/2023/06/15/1181891649/memorrhage-nu-metal-review
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Vulgar Display of Purring Presents: New York
by Vulgar Display of Purring
A new compilation series featuring cat-loving metal bands from every state donating their tracks for local animal welfare organizations.
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